Thanks to The Onion, we now know that George W. Bush ain’t no fortunate son:

“The president carried me through an enemy minefield after my arm had been blown off by a mortar shell, blazing away with his pistol as he delivered me to safety,” Pvt. Chris Adair said.

“Then, after he’d gotten me to a medic, he went all the way back through that same minefield—carrying a 40-pound bag of ice the whole way—to retrieve my severed arm so the doctors could sew it back on. Now, thanks to President Bush, I’ll still be able to play piano for the church choir back home in Appleton, just like I promised Grandma. He is truly an American hero.”

And courtesy of PZ Myers: anybody who would hate an octopus is warped:

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